How To Own Being a Bitch: Removing The Word’s Negative Connotation 

The word bitch is used to insult us women. Misogynists probably laugh in glee when they see us throw that word at one another. So why not own being a bitch? What own being a bitch? Yes, own it.

Nine times out of ten when a woman is called a bitch, it is probably because of one of the following reasons:

1. She probably put her foot down with you and didn’t allow herself to be a doormat

2. She spoke up about something being wrong or of any wrongdoings

3. She had to handle dealing with a manipulative/cunning person

4. Wanted something done correctly, but the people she works with/under her under performed, and she called them out of it

5. Refuses to be fake and rather be cordial towards someone who she doesn’t like instead of acting like they are best of friends

6. Knows what she wants in life, and is not willing to settle for anything less

7. Speaks in a matter-of-fact, direct or blunt way

Come on, you all know you have done it – called another woman a bitch when she did any of the above things. I am pretty sure you had a woman boss at one point in your life who did one of the things listed above and you thought; “Ugh.. she’s such a bitch!”

If a woman does not always behave in the stereotypical “nice” way, she gets called a bitch. Sounds to me like she is just being a strong woman and not taking anyone’s bullshit. Take a hard look at all the women that climb up the corporate ladder, are super successful or knew what they wanted in life – are they all Pollyanna all the time? Nope. Now I am not suggesting to own being a bitch to bully your fellow peeps, but as a way to empower ourselves to be a bitch and be proud of it. Nor, am I saying you have to turn into some tyrant. You can still get your point across without insulting or belittling anyone.

Next time someone calls me a bitch, I will thank them for the compliment. Because sometimes you have to be a bitch in life.

How To Stop Handshakes From the Fakes

Do you seem to attract a bunch a phonies that leave you want to tell them dueces homies?

Well here is a how-to-guide on getting rid of the fake people in your life. All you will need to do is follow the steps outlined below. I can’t give you a 100% guarantee (this is life and nothing is guaranteed), but hopefully it will help.

Step #1. Listen 

Yup……..just listen. Does this person have a severe case of diarrhea of the mouth? Are they constantly trying to convince that they are X,Y and Z by their words and never their actions?If so, then you may have a phony in your life. Proceed to step 2, please.

Step #2. Look at how you spend your time together

Every time you hang out with this person, you feel like you ran “a trying to appease this person marathon” (I’m a runner so I had to interject a running analogy, I just couldn’t help myself). This person’s favorite thing/s to do all have to be focused on their personal interests, and your interests are never considered. Oh……..and the minute you do make a suggestion of what you would like to do, they give you that sideways glance. Are your wheels turning yet?

Step #3. Look for consistency

Their stories never add up. Or they say something in a conversation with you – and when you bring it back up later on – they have no clue what you are talking about.

Also, this person has no consistent people in their life. Family, friends, or exes are all bad. They spend a lot of time bashing these people. You are probably thinking to yourself who this person loyal to. They are no holds barred when bashing their “loved ones”, so can you imagine what this person will say about you.

Step #4. You feel used and can’t make sense of it

You are always on the receiving end of their constant praise and flattery. I mean…..we are all awesome – but come on – nobody is walking on water here. This person goes above and beyond trying to flatter you, but then it seems to be followed up by a favor, or request. Yet, when you ask for a favor they are nowhere to be found. Congratulations, you made it to step #4 in the process, now you can give this person their walking papers out of your life.

Hopefully by reading this you are now empowered to say bye-bye to all the backstabbers.

Have Confidence, Sisters!

Confidence is all a woman needs to get help her get to the places she wants to go in her life. What happens along the way in some women’s lives that causes their confidence to come to a screeching halt?

Remember that elementary school writing project, “What Do You Want To Do When You Grow Up”. How full you were with such dreams and aspirations in that time of girlhood innocence. I can bet we all wrote about: being doctors, lawyers, the next woman president, wanting to stop world hunger or something along those lines. Then here comes the age of puberty and all that we focus our attention on is a simple four letter word – boys. Boys become the bane of our existence at that age – and for some I think –  well into adulthood. Aw boys …….how we yearn for your attention and hate it when your attention is focused on another girl. The other girl then becomes a symbol of our envy, and then our foe insecurity sinks in.

Comparing ourselves to other girls begins at this time as well. We start comparing that our body parts didn’t develop as much as our fellow classmates, or we are now covered in acne while Becky has perfect skin. In that young age of vulnerability and hormone overload,  is when some girls confidence begins to wane. Didn’t you want to be a doctor? Yes, but Jimmy likes Carol (who by the way is way prettier than me)……..now I just don’t feel like I am good enough for anything.

Parents play a big role in developing a girl’s confidence as well. They are there to help you feel like you are good enough when you experience those moments of rejection, and not to focus so much on how you look because beauty is only skin-deep. Sisters we are all beautiful in our own way!

What role do we as women play in developing confidence in one another, when our parents failed us in that department? Every time you watch some sort of all women cast reality show, the women annihilate each other. Why do we act this way towards one another? We should embrace one another and cheer for one another. By having positive women in your life who support you, can help give you a well deserved confidence boost. Who else knows how tough it is to be woman besides another woman.We still have ways to go and if we don’t stick together then what hope is there for the future of the sisterhood (have a bunch of Kim Kardashians walking around?).

To the women in my life who gave me confidence, thank you. Thank you for making feel like I was worthy. Thank you for teaching me to be strong. Thank you for believing in me in those trying times.

On a final note…….please, please stop saying the following statement, “Oh she is just hating/jealous of me because I am……….” Stop!

Have confidence, Sisters! I believe in you!

What happened to being victorious?

Maybe it is the constant rejection and feedback that I keep receiving from my poetry that is making me write this blog post. I entered an all women’s poetry contest recently and did not win. The winners of the contest all had the same theme to their poems – heartache, wrongdoings, and how unfair life has been. Why do we as women have to play the victim to get some recognition? Why not celebrate our strength and show that we are more than just victims. It is like we can’t shake the whole damsel in distress image. I totally understand that some of us have a story to tell…. and I am not dismissing that. It still seems like the whole notion of a strong woman is taboo.

I constantly keep getting told my poetry does show that I am brave, but I can “soften” a little bit (mind you this is critique that I am receiving from women poetry editors). Why should I change my tone? Women have different roles nowadays. Some of us choose careers over children, some choose to be stay-at-home moms, and the others balance both – all of these roles are okay. We have come to an age where we have options. So why not have the option to showing that we have triumphed and become victorious.

Here is the poem that was rejected:

It Is Ours For The Taking

Whoa there little lady!
Umm……. excuse me sir, why are you being shady?

Address me by name please
Your condescending tone will need to cease
Who knows, we may have a woman titled President
Have you not been present?

We are making way, you hear
Yet you still are calling us little lady, sweetie and dear

The glass ceilings are breaking
The sisterhood’s future is there for the taking

No more taking a back seat
Even if at times we have to fall and face defeat

Cat-Callers Beware!

Because putting gas in my car is one of my least favorite things to do, I had no choice but to stop at a very busy gas station (I was on E people). Chaotic, busy gas stations give me anxiety, there is just too much going on. Living in the middle of one of the largest cities in the Country, it lends itself to witnessing the worst sides of humanity in these busy gas stations, and it is really depressing to see this. I like to call these gas stations “the place of broken dreams and souls”.

On this day I decided to pay cash for my gas instead of using my credit card –  as I was walking to the store to pay –  a man that was hanging out outside was cat-calling women (gross). In my typical nature, I rolled my eyes at his lewd behavior, and walked on in to the store. Lo and behold as I was walking out, the wannabe gas station Casanova cat-called me too (oh hell no!). Cat-calling is my biggest pet peeve. I have been known to address a rude cat-call by telling the man who made the call if he would like it if someone did that to his mom, sister or daughter. I was so irritated by the cat-call, that I had to let out my frustration by the way of a poem.

I want to dedicate this poem to all the girls who are working hard to build their future, all the girls who are lost and to all you cat-callers out there.

My Purpose

I was not put on this earth for your viewing pleasure
Do not judge me by the length of my hair, the size of my breasts, or the width of my hips
As I walk this earth, I should not hear your cat calls or endure an obscene gesture

My purpose is to be daughter, sister, wife and maybe even mother
I will plant seeds of wisdom and motivation
To see all the women and girls around me reach farther and work harder

As I watch the sisterhood defer to objectification
My words will hopefully have some meaning
For I will not sexualize, or simplify to gain validation

I was not put on this earth for your viewing pleasure!

Ignorance begat Racism

I, as many others (I hope), can blame racism on ignorance.

The troubling part is when the ignorance that fuels racism comes from other minorities. In a conversation from someone of Chinese descent, it was assumed that because of my Mexican heritage that I cook tacos, rice and beans for dinner every night. Seriously? Here is a comment that really gets my blood going is (and this has come from people of other races), ” Most Mexican’s are dumb and have no self-control, why are you not like them?” Though I can admit that my peeps are guilty of the self-control piece. However, that comment is a button pusher for sure.

Even in conversations of people of my own heritage, I have witnessed the practice of ignorance going strong. When I do speak up and say why do they have an issue with a particular race if our struggles are practically the same, I get the “I’m not Mexican enough” card thrown at me. Didn’t know there was a Mexican measuring stick folks, please pardon my ignorance.

Also, living in a city where the majority of the people here are of Mexican descent, people of my generation get offended when store clerks speak to them in Spanish – to them that is racial profiling. Bring out the troops, we are being racially profiled into speaking another language (Spanish). The nerve of those store clerks, sheesh. Yet these people complaining of being racially profiled, are the same ones making ignorant comments about other races. I have encountered being racially profiled by police officer before, and let me tell you this pales nowhere near in comparison.

I was dropping a friend at her boyfriend’s house is an affluent side of town, being a young broke student, my back tail light was out. A police officer (he was a minority too) pulled me over on my way home, and right off the bat I could sense his ignorance. There was a soda can in my drink holder, and he asked me if I was smoking crack out if it. What??? Of course I had my valid license and insurance, so he had no choice to just write me a ticket. It was not until he flashed his light to my back seat that he saw my text books and backpack that made him say, “Oh you go to school?” I guess I was not the crack smoking Mexican girl he assumed I was. This last statement was not to offend anyone who has a substance abuse problem, which is a really debilitating disease. I was just trying to prove a point on ignorance.

Ignorance begat racism………….